I Turned Myself Out

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*****

My journey must have begun with my discovery of porn.

When I was eighteen, I discovered a trove of porn magazines hidden out in the abandoned shed of a derelict and condemned house near my childhood home. This was the first time in my sheltered life I had ever seen anything like it. The magazines varied from soft nudity to hard full-contact stuff. They were the basis for most of my sexual education and fantasies in those unenlightened times.

Years later, in my twenties, I found porn on the brand new innovation that came to be called the internet. I found it stimulating but I didn’t become addicted instantly. That would come later.

In the meantime, I had a regular life. I met a woman and fell in love. We got married. We held down jobs. We had kids. In time, we worked opposite shifts and lived more like roommates than husband and wife. As the kids got older, they needed to be ferried around to games and recitals. Life was hectic.

As the night owl of the family, and feeling a touch lonely and unsatisfied, I reconnected with online porn. With the internet, it was growing easier than ever to find what you were looking for.

I started out with what I suppose is common fare. Pictures of beautiful twenty-something girls. I rubbed out more cum than I could carry to those nubile young things. But as time went on, I realized I was bored with the same familiar objects. I found myself taking an interest in more exotic women, Black, Asian and Indian, but then over time, the same thing happened. I branched out to other body types and ages. I found that I could get turned on by fat women and BBWs, MILFs and mature women, even hairy women. Porn widened my appreciation for all the different kinds of women. But over a long period, months and years, the pictures all started to become bland to me.

By this time, streaming video porn was becoming more widely available and I started watching men and women having sex. This was exciting and it stimulated me for a long time, but eventually I found my attention wandering. The video streaming sites started posting categories. I started taking a special interest in oral sex. I was really turned on by seeing men eating women and women sucking men off. This too kept me satisfied for a long time.

As before, a few years passed and I found I needed something new to stimulate me when I jerked off. I browsed the available categories. A few caught my fleeting interest, like lesbian sex.

Then I came upon the cuckold category. That was undoubtedly poker oyna a milestone on my journey.

I remember some scenes that made me come hard. One featured a man lying under his wife and licking her pussy enthusiastically while it was being fucked by another man. When the wife’s lover came, he shoved his dick in the cuckold’s mouth, making him swallow his cum and clean off his cock. In another, a wife fellated her lover to orgasm and she kissed her husband with a mouth full of cum, forcing the splooge into his waiting maw. I pulled my cock feverishly to this material, always reaching a powerful orgasm.

I wondered why these fantasies turned me on the way they did. I knew I wasn’t gay and I certainly didn’t want to watch my wife fuck other men. We may have been a bit dysfunctional, but we were still monogamous and very much in love.

But now, on those rare instances when our schedules conspired to allow us to have sex, I had visions of licking another man’s cum out of her, or licking her lover’s cock clean. I tried to shake them off and concentrate on what (and who) I was doing, but it was difficult. I have to admit those fantasies kept me turned on during the vanilla sex sessions my wife and I were having.

Cuckolds and lesbians kept me excited for a while, but again I felt the need to push the limits. BDSM left me cold, but I began watching videos with men having sex with sissies and ladyboys. Once more, I was getting off with the material. At first I imagined myself as the man in the scenario, but strangely, before too long… I began to imagine myself in the sissy role.

One day, I saw a sissy video and thought I’d give it a look. It was called “Sissy Hypno Cum Trainer”. Even with “hypno” in the title, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. The video was of women giving blowjobs, receiving facials and taking loads on their tongue. They couldn’t have been faking their enjoyment; they were all smiles. It was hot. The text captions and voice-over however were addressed directly to the male viewer and over several minutes it promoted the ultimate submission of man to man. It was a very sexy woman’s voice.

“When you see a cock, you wish you were sucking it.”

“You like it when a man gives you orders.”

“Get on your knees before him!”

“You are a horny cocksucker!”

“Get on that cock!”

“Please him!”

I found myself coming harder than I had in a long, long time. Later, I asked myself why. After all, I’m not gay.

Well, am I?

I couldn’t be. I wasn’t attracted canlı poker oyna to men.

But maybe I was attracted to cock…

I kept coming back to that same video for a while, and I always came to it very hard.

Sometime later, in my recommended videos, a new category was featured. CEI. I had never heard of it. When I clicked on the link, I was horrified and aroused. The videos featured beautiful women giving the viewer cum-eating instructions. I clicked on the first one that looked interesting, merely out of curiosity.

A breathy hypnotic voice entranced me. She immediately won my trust. She said that I could believe everything she said. She told me that I was a good little cocksucker, that the sight of a hard cock aroused me, that the cock was to be served and given pleasure, and most important, the emissions of the cock were to be taken in the mouth, savoured and swallowed. The images in the first part of the video were of men being blown by women. These subtly faded into scenes with sissies and shemales sucking men. Finally, the last third of the video was dedicated to men on men. In this last section of the video, the hypnotic narrator was coaching me to pace myself as I masturbated because she would give me a countdown at the end, after which I would be allowed to come and I would be required-she said “allowed”- to eat my own ejaculate!

Ten.

I couldn’t believe I was considering this.

Nine.

“Are you getting ready to eat your own cum?” the narrator asked in her silky voice.

Eight.

I moved out of my chair and got onto the floor.

Seven.

“You’re going to feel so good with that cum in your mouth!”

Six.

I put my feet on the edge of the chair’s seat and pushed my legs up against it, raising my cock high above my head.

Five.

“Do you feel like a slut with your tongue out just begging for cum?” I did.

Four.

I resumed beating myself off. I was already so close.

Three.

“Open wide and get ready for it!”

Two.

My mouth was wide open and watering. I was jacking with determination.

One.

“Keep your eyes open and come in your mouth… now!”

I couldn’t resist the command. I felt the semen working its way out of my balls and on toward my cock. Then in electrifying spasm after spasm, I watched the cum erupt out of my cock. I came all over my face, and in my mouth. The cum tasted salty with a bitter aftertaste; it wasn’t unpleasant. It felt smooth and slippery on my tongue. Globs of jizz also internet casino landed on my forehead and my cheeks and one had splashed across my right eye.

The video ended with the narrator saying: “Now you’re ready to go out and get the real thing.”

I swallowed the cum in my mouth and shuddered with a strange satisfaction. I walked into the bathroom and stood facing the mirror. The sticky blobs of cum stood off my cheeks and forehead and I looked like a proper slut. My cock hardened all over again. I scooped up the string of cum hanging off my right eyebrow and I watched myself in the mirror as I sucked it off my finger. I repeated this for every last drop of cum on my face as I tugged myself to another quick orgasm. If the purpose of the video was to reinforce the connection between tasting semen and experiencing orgasm, I was a natural student, coming twice during my first lesson.

I feared I had crossed a line I might never come back from, but I couldn’t stop myself. I sought out more such videos. Many were even more potent than the first video I watched. I began eating my cum on an almost daily basis, only skipping a day if I wanted to store up more ejaculate for the next day.

A few days after discovering CEI, the kids were away at my parents’ for a couple of days and my wife and I had an opportunity to have sex. We made love tenderly as we always do, but I couldn’t come. The next night, we tried again and the same thing happened, but this time I started to visualize cock in my mind. Even as I fucked my wife, I started counting down from ten and imagined my breathy narrator telling me to come and to take that come in my mouth. It worked. By the time I counted down to one, I was emptying my balls into my wife’s pussy.

But when I came down from my orgasm, I did something I had never done before. I ate my own cum out of my wife’s pussy. To say she was shocked is an understatement, but whatever suspicions were raised, she loves receiving oral as much as anyone. She lay back and enjoyed it as I lapped the rich white cream out of her.

I didn’t take the idea that you could be hypnotized by an internet video too seriously when I watched the hypno trainers and the CEI videos…

…And now… now I can hardly come without the thought of cum in my mouth.

So the question for me now is: how long until I go after the real thing like the cocksucking, dick-licking, cum-lapping whore I’ve been trained to be? Can I control this urge or will I give into it?

My mouth started watering even as I typed that last sentence. My dick is hard and wet. I need relief.

I’m still not attracted to men, but I want cock. Cocks.

I’d like to blame the porn for my transformation, but the truth is I know whose fault it really is.

I turned myself out.

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