The Curious Case of the Vanishing Condom

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This is fictional and parallels to real events are completely coincidental, although not improbable.

* * *

It is a hot day.

Not the searing heat that is most common in most July mornings in the midwest, but a kind of dull, monotonic heat that emanates from a lazy sunshine. I am interning at a company which shall hereby remain nameless because I am paranoid.

I am grabbing a salad at the cafeteria while the sun beats a staccato of heat through the glass onto the carpeted floor. I am about to walk back to my cubicle when I notice a girl eating alone. Alone with a book.

Talk to her? Hmmm.. maybe not, she looks contemplative. And the damn book isn’t Fifty Shades! But look at those legs. Ok, mind made up. Let’s talk to her.

She is wearing a black pencil skirt that ends mid way above an ivory white calf, a blue shirt and a dark blazer. I can’t see any curves other than that sensual leg ending in black leather heels. She has jet black hair that stops half way down her back like a torrent of coal, and eyes that twinkle light blue in the sunlight.

Me: I really hate eating alone. Mind if I join you?

Girl: (puts book down, looks at me suspiciously) Uhmm.. Sure. (resumes eating)

At this point I’m never really sure what to do. I wonder if talking to her would seem rude, or shutting up cowardly. My cock talks for me.

Me: I work in the cyber-security division. What about you?

Girl: (looks up from book) I’m with HR. (looks back down to book)

Me: What are you reading?

Girl: The Alchemist.

Me: Coelho?

Girl: Hmm.

I take this as a cue to leave. I’m definitely not getting into those panties when Senor Coelho has so firmly clenched his fist around her mind. I amble around for a bit, trying to sum what I’ve learned from this encounter. My head blanks. Frustrated, I sit down in a heap on my desk and type in ‘hello world’.

I forget all about her, like countless other women I’ve met, in exactly seven minutes. I am immersed in a plethora of code when my computer pings. Who the–?

It’s the chat system.

DianeE: Hey sorry I was rude earlier. Coffee break?

KaneA: Umm.. sure. Do I know you? You’re not the taxi driver from last night right? I’m definitely not getting coffee with you if you are!

DianeE: Never driven a taxi.

KaneA: Am appeased. See you in 5.

I contemplate finishing the snippet of code I’m cleaning but again my lower brain function pulls me to the coffee stand. Yep, you’ve guessed it. It’s the book-girl.

Me: Diane?

D: Yeah. Hey I feel badly about earlier. I was just–

Me: No worries! I’ve read the book; it’s engrossing to say the least.

D: You have?? Oh cool!

And we go into a minor book review for precisely 145 seconds.

D: So what did you want to talk about earlier?

Me: Oh, nothing specific, really. Just wanted to talk.

D: Ok, now we’ve talked.

Me: Agreed.

It’s an awkward moment. There are times when I am angry at my second brain, but this is not one of them. I blurt out:

Me: Wanna get dinner some time later?

She takes seconds, but my internal clock counts hours.

D: Where?

Me: I know this cool pizza place nearby.

Her eyebrows rise. Pizza. Really? What are you doing, you dumb bollocking idiot!

Me: I say pizza place but it’s really an Italian place which does good pizza.

D: Oh I thought you were asking me out to Dominos.

Me: (laughing ruefully) He he.. I meant this place down near Benson

D: Ok. I’m busy tonight, though.

Me: Sure, tomorrow then.

She thinks for a second, nods, and walks off, a slight çekmeköy escort wave of her hand indicating the end of the coffee break. I return despondently to my desk and forget about the conversation seven minutes later.

* * *

I won’t bore you with the details of the next day’s work. Suffice it to say I made numerous coding errors, spilt coffee on my desk and almost fell off my swiveling chair.

Yes, I was nervous. You would be too.

I’m wearing a suit and my iPhone says that it is now officially the beginning of our date. Is it a date? It should be if we’re going to a snazzy restaurant. Damn right it’s a date!

She has on a blue dress. It’s darker than the shades of her eyes and has a plunging neckline. The dress ends above where her pencil skirt did, and her beautiful legs are on show. She has amazing legs reaching all the way to heaven. Her bosom is amplified in this dress and I can see that she has a modest pair of breasts. Nothing eye-popping but enough to have your hands full, if you know what I mean. Where the eye staggers, trips and comes to a complete halt is her butt. She has a butt like nothing I could ever hope to describe. Perfect spheres that end on dense blue fabric stretching just enough to make your imagination go haywire. The kind of butt which, as I found out later, if you slap, the flesh vibrates in a lust-filled crescendo.

Anyway, on with the date. We sit down. We order food. We talk. We eat. We talk some more. We drink. Merlot.

She wants to dance. She says she knows a place.

It turns out to be a great place. The music is good and the drinks are not overpriced. What more can I ask for? She asks for a couple of shots of tequila. I surmise one is for me. I am mistaken. She gulps down both and lets her hair down, literally and figuratively.

I’m not a great dancer, but I can gyrate with the best of them. In the couple of hours we spend there, I have a few shots of tequila and something vaguely reminiscent of vodka. Not on the rocks. Distilled vodka. No rocks anywhere except in my head.

I don’t know what she’s been drinking but she’s getting frisky. A couple of times she rubs her butt against me and I attain Nirvana and plummet back on Earth like a meteor when the grinding stops. She turns towards me and we are suddenly interlocked. My hands are on her waist and her eyes burn into mine with a fire that wasn’t there when the evening started. We know immediately what will happen next.

It’s like clockwork.

We leave the club, we get a cab, we drive to one of our houses. She volunteers (it’s closer). We start kissing in the car and give the guy a hundred dollar bill for a twenty buck ride because we are too aroused to stop and get change. We clamber into her house, a little woozy. I slip a hand into her dress and squeeze her left breast. It is tender and her nipple is erect like a young grape. I twist it in between my thumb and forefinger until a low moan escapes her. In a breathy whisper she says she needs it so I comply. I lift her up and turn her around until her legs are locked around my shoulders and her underwear is in front of my face.

Pull it down! I whisper hoarsely as I feel her hand running around the outline of my stiffening organ.

She stops unbuttoning my trousers and uses her hands to pull her sexy red panties a bit lower (or rather higher) down her legs to give me access to her snatch. I take a deep breath and plunge in. My tongue hits her shaved wetness (yes she is bald down there) and immediately I taste her tangy juices flowing into my mouth and dribbling down my chin. cevizli escort Suddenly I feel a hot warmth engulfing my penis and I notice that she has her mouth around it. I can only see her lower lip clenched around my 7″ cock but it is enough to send my lust into overdrive. I ravage her vagina with my tongue, writing Egyptian hieroglyphics on her clit. She squirms and moans and I feel my cock slipping out of her mouth when she (sometimes) screams and the cold conditioned air slaps the violet veins throbbing around my member.

She begs me not to insert my tongue in her butt hole. She says she feels dirty when I do that. But her writhing and her moans belie her words and I sometimes slip a tongue into her beautiful anus just to feel her squirm against me. My muscles tire out and I lay her onto the bed still in the 69 position. As her head hits the bed my penis slips in further down her throat and she gags on it, eventually pushing me out as she starts to cough.

D: (coughing) It’s the biggest I’ve had!

I don’t know what to say, so I apologize reflexively. She resumes the gentle sucking, and suddenly I feel her pulling back my foreskin and her tongue wrapping around my glans, licking it clean, sterilizing it with saliva.

D: I need it in me, baby. Please!

I nod, and turn her 180 degrees till her wet pussy is in front of my engorged penis. I stroke her clit with the glans and feel our fluids kissing, touching, seeping, spreading… She lets out little screams as I mock-penetrate her. I love doing this: letting the head in and immediately pulling back. It drives her crazy. She holds my cock and is about the push it into her when her eyes open wide.

D: You aren’t wearing a condom!

I look down, sheepishly. She’s right, of course. I am not wearing a condom. Damn my pulling back, I should have put it in when I had the chance.

D: Do you have one?

I contemplate lying. I nod instead.

D: Ok. Hurry up and fuck me, baby.

I rummage around for a condom and find one. I slip it on in one go and the right way up (hooray) and she watches and fingers herself. I move towards her and lunge into her, all seven of my inches ramming deep into her tight vaginal cavity. I lift her legs on my shoulder and ram her even deeper until she cries out in combined agony/ecstasy.

D: It’s too big baby. This is hurting me!

I let her legs back down and resume in the missionary position. She moans and when I feel myself about to cum I pull out and squeeze my balls tight. The cum reflex abates. She turns on her side and lifts one leg up and we fuck sideways for a bit when it happens.

I accidentally pull her leg down onto mine and she clamps my cock hard. I slam into her, harder and harder.

And the rubber rolls off.

I don’t notice immediately but the feeling around my penis is suddenly fantastic. The warm wetness of her vagina engulfing my penis is inexplicably hot. My foreskin pulls up and I keep pumping into her, my organ thudding into her vaginal wall, slick with her juices.

D: Oh the condom!

I curse. How the hell did she see it? Then it becomes apparent; it’s fallen off somewhere and is grazing against her thigh. Bollocks!

I feign surprise (well perhaps I am a little surprised actually), take a fresh condom and put it on.

She wants to try another position so this doesn’t happen again. I’m getting blue balls during sex! Is that even possible? I growl and thrust into her doggystyle as hard as I can, hoping that the condom breaks and I can feel that heightened sensation once again. She screams, a long erenköy escort continuous, monotonic wail as my thrusting reaches high frequencies and her vagina is completely sensitized by the force of each pump. I check quickly: the damn condom is still on.

That’s when I know I have no choice.

So I slow down and start to finger her clit. She moans deeply and clenches my cock tightly with her pussy. Then I stop fingering her. She pleads for me not to stop, but I pretend I need both hands on her waist to fuck her properly. So she puts her head down onto the bed and uses a hand to finger herself. She can no longer see me or my cock. Making sure, I start to roll the condom up little by little until the latex is a thick cylinder near the tip of my cock. I pull out and kiss the nape of her neck and whisper dirty things to her. While I do so, my left hand pulls off the rubber and I throw it behind me out of view. Then I resume and again the hot wetness of a bare vagina sucks on my cock. It feels so amazing I almost cum.

D: Oh my god I think its slipped off again, baby! I cant feel it!

Her hand has slipped from her clit and touched my cock. She feels my veins and thick flesh and knows I’m not protected. I have no choice but to feign shock and complain against the condom brand, poor souls! I apologize, condom-maker, you who have restricted the joy of Father’s day (mostly) to those who wish to become fathers.

Me: Ok why don’t you ride me? Then you’ll have control over the condom and you can pull it back if it keeps dropping off.

I have a plan.

I don the new rubber and this time she climbs on top and rides me cowgirl. I’m softening now (I’ve never liked this position), and so I switch positions a little bit. I pull her on top of me with her breasts touching my chest while lifting her hot ass skywards. Like a cowgirl resting on the cow. Then I pump her hard and she tries her best to keep the condom from riding up but soon the throes of lust and passion drown her intelligence and she grabs her butt wide as my cock drills her like a machine. I ask her to play with my balls, which she does while keeping one butt cheek apart. It has the desired effect.

My plan comes to fruition.

Her hand stroking my testicles eventually rubs against the condom and starts to stretch it. Combined with my desperately wild thrusts, it’s not long before I feel the sudden implosion of air inside the vagina and the throbbing glans escapes its latex confines. In short, the condom broke. We continue thrusting for a while until my balls start to tense up and I feel myself about to cum. Don’t panic, don’t panic.

Ok, panic.

I feel the cum explode into her and my hardness pumps her full of white hot sperm. My penis continues to thrust, oblivious to its imminent demise, slick with my cum. I sincerely cannot think of a way out of this predicament: I sense a huge row coming up, when–

D: Oh my god! OH MY GODDDD!!

She shudders and a stream of liquid spews out of her vagina like a sprinkler system. Her whole body quivers and bucks, her legs clamping and unclamping in a staccato of pleasure. She slumps onto me and I feel my calves and the neighbouring sheets drenched with her outburst. She looks at me tearfully.

D: I’m so sorry! I’ve never done that before, I swear!

Me: It’s no biggie. You just squirted, it’s okay.

D: I’m so sorry!

It seems like she is really upset about this. I console her, and tell her it’s really okay and natural and all that bull you tell someone when they’re feeling low. Then I remember I came inside her and the broken condom.

Me: Hang on, I’ve got to get rid of the rubber.

I slide her onto her side and dispose of the evidence. She sees me coming back and rises, kisses me on the cheek tenderly and mouths a thank you. I think for the last time about the condom and cumming inside her. I decide against telling her; some things are better left unsaid.

Then I forget all about it seven minutes later.

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