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This was it, I fucked it up.
Well, technically Darlene fucked it up, but whatever.
What was the damn chance of an old college classmate working as a flight attendant on my ride to London? Why? How did she even end up here? She was in my English Didactics class!
Sometimes I wonder if God punishes me just bacause I don’t believe. Figures, all women are the same.
Why did this happen? And now? I was just about to meet the person I consider to be my only chance at a happy ending. And then, it goes all fuck-up.
And the way Connor ended the call all of a sudden after a quick “See you soon.” That just broke me. He was so uncomfortable. Of course he was. Wouldn’t anyone be?
He just grinned like a madman and told me it was okay. But I knew better. I’ve seen that reaction before. The exact same one. A long, long time ago…
Thinking about that made me feel all sorts of anxious. But that’s all in the past now. I have to focus on what to do when I see him. When I actually stand face to face with the boy I have dreamt of.
I hope he isn’t going to completely resent or ignore me, that would break me apart. I need those eyes to acknowledge me once I see them in real life.
I also need to stop over-thinking everything I do, or even think at all. Quit the endless contemplating and considering, because that was bound to make me fidget in front of him and give me away. I’m going to have to face him either way. Not just because I still really want to, but because we were not only meeting for a friendly visit.
I was so caught up with myself and my feelings for Connor that I almost forgot he wasn’t the only dream I was here for. I had a job to do, and I owed it to myself to give it everything I had.
Sitting there, in a crowded airbus not a hundred kilometers away from my destination I forced myself to get my head straight and sort out my priorities before touchdown. Doing my best on set, just maybe getting myself into the acting business, something I had dreamt of my entire life…
I decided in that moment that it outweighed the miniscule chance that I’d be succesful in pursueing a relationship, my first, real relationship with a re-ignited teenage celebrity-crush.
Aside from that, I realised that it was not, of course, only my decision to make. Connor depended on me to act like a professional co-star. Trying to draw in him would only lead to complications for the both of us.
I was going to do my best to try and repress my feelings and pretend that a professional relationship, maybe even a friendship, would be enough for me. I had to, for both of us.
Even with the slight suspicions I had after getting to know him from a distance. But me telling myself that I’d picked up on a few hints of him being gay, or interested in me sounded ridiculous now. Like the mindless hopes of a child.
And I wasn’t a child. I was a professional.
I could only hope that Darlene’s little charade hadn’t ruined a chance at a work-relationship with Connor already.
I wasn’t worried about him maybe being a homophobe, he wasn’t at all the type to be a ridiculous bigot that meddled in random people’s lives for no reason.
No, I was afraid that he’d be angry with me for not having told him myself.
I had to put this away for a while, the need to tell him that I’m sure that my destiny is to be with him forever and always and I’d do anything to protect him, make him happy, and above all make him feel loved for the rest of his life.
That was something I’d keep for myself. I had to be content with discovering his thoughts on my sexual preference. And moving on.
That was the plan.
I felt a little more at ease then. I watched as the man to my right was trying to catch the movie the lady in front of my was watching on her tablet.
Wow. If this actually worked out, I might be being watched on that same tablet less than a year from now. I realised how crazy this whole situation was. What were the chances of being selected out of, what? A hundred auditioners? Two hundred? And on my first try?
I had to be the luckiest guy on this airbus. I had to be the luckiest guy to ever be on this airbus.
My mind wandered off as my playlist softly shuffled through my earbuds. Fleetwood Mac, Heart, Elvis, Nirvana, George Ezra, Sting, even ABBA flowed through my head as I watched the clouds turn from white to gray and we descended a little every few minutes.
No, not now. Better think of something else.
What was the studio going to be like? The director, producers and everyone? I even boldly let my mind drift to the possibility of fans. How would they see me? Was I going to have to become a social media expert?
I had Instagram, and Snapchat. A couple of hundred followers. All of whom I knew personally. Was I going to be more active than posting a picture every month or so? And what about being gay? Was that going to be a big influence on it all?
But kaçak iddaa then again, I never had trouble with being clear about who I am, and what I stand for. I know how to take care of myself, and I have been doing just that for a long time.
And I would never change it for a second. Not even if I could. There were a few bumps along the way, sure. Even in this progressive world we live in. There’s always people who feel the need to give their mindless opinions on other people’s lives.
Not that I’d had that much trouble, considering. Being gay wasn’t that big of a deal where I came from. People didn’t find you courageous for coming out and they didn’t find you smart for hiding the fact that you were on some occasions.
Anywhere I did come across trouble taught me how to handle myself early on in life. I always made sure those people would think twice the next time they felt the need to beat someone up because of who they are. That’s why I started working out in the first place. To be stronger. I wanted to be able to stand up for myself, commitment and my friends got me there.
Gay is something I am, and something I’ve always been. Even if it took some discovering, this is what I found. A guy does not get to choose who he falls in love with, or if his dick reacts to a vagina or another dick. Or both. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. Not now. Not ever.
Damn, why do I even think about it so much? I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I’m a down to earth guy, yet I find myself trying to think up arguments against opinions that aren’t even there.
It’s a good thing I’m on my way to something completely different for a change.
The sound of the intercom, followed by the captain’s anouncement that we were about to land interrupted my train of thought.
This is it then.
Here you go Leo, time to face the facts.
I felt that funny feeling that you get when the plane descends a bit too fast. As if it’s falling straight down for a moment. Normally it feels uncomfortable, but now it was a nice change from the gut-wrenching feeling that pooled in my stomach.
‘Bye, Leo! Good luck out there!’
I was getting off the plane, my thoughts racing at a thousand minutes per second.
This was going to be the most awkward first meeting in my entire life, no doubt about it. But at least I was determined on how I was going to play it.
Like a cool, no-nonesense and completely platonic best friend.
The fact that I was actually going to see him, hear him, smell him, touch him… Well, if I’m going to be an actor, best start practicing rightaway.
No time like the fucking present.
My nerves started tingling as I took my luggage from the belt. I swung my backpack over my shoulder, took my earbuds out of my ears and walked through the exit. And after a quick look around the arrival hall, well… there he was.
Sitting on a bench just beside a newspaper stand, he was looking straight at me, his mouth was hanging open and he was staring at me like it was the first time he ever saw me. Which was true, in a way.
He looked every bit as good as I’d imagined, as if all the light in the room came from his smile. His tanned skin, short sandy-brown styled hair, lightblue jeans and a darkblue jacket. The too cool for school fit him like a second skin.
Everything about him was more vivid with each step I took towards him. And I desperately tried to control the amount of grin that appeared on my face. He got up from his seat as I approached him. I was admiring his muscular frame and tanned skin when he looked at me expectantly.
When we made eye contact something in my chest burst of excitement and the excessive need to taste those pink plump lips. All the sounds of people running around to get somewhere on time appeared to fade away as I neared the adonis that was Connor Dexter.
No no Leo, stick to the plan.
My breath was taken away by the casual smile he threw my way.
Before I knew it, we were standing chest to chest. With my 6.1′ and his 5.9′ I was a little taller than him, but he was more buffed up.
Just before it actually got awkward because of my staring deeply into his hazel-coloured eyes, I finally said something. I had thought of something genius to say to him on the way here, right? Something completely correct and sensible.
Oh fuck here we go.
‘Hey Leo,’ Connor replied happily as he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into the best hug ever. I froze for a fraction of a second before I gratefully hugged him back. He sighed and layed his head on my shoulder when I squeezed him close to me.
This was not going to be easy.
That hug alone left me wondering every decision I had made about us back in the air. But I held fast, literally. Trying to not let that little devil on my right shoulder pierce the judicious angel on my left with his heart-shaped tridant.
He felt so warm, big, strong, kaçak bahis and so comfortable in my arms. My arms felt incredibly good around his waist. Like they belonged. I silently shifted my head and sniffed his hair. Coconut, damn that smelled good. Had I told him that I liked the smell of coconuts? I never wanted to let him go again, but I knew I had to break it up before it got awkward.
I inched away from him slowly, but for some reason I couldn’t stop my hands from lingering on his hips. His hands were resting on my shoulders as I got lost in his mesmerising eyes, trying to find the right words.
‘It-it’s really good to see you Connor.’ I smiled at him, probably looking like a maniac.
He blushed a little and said, ‘It’s really, really good to finally see you too.’
I wanted to say something about what happened earlier, to just get it over with.
‘I.. I’m uh.. I-‘
‘It’s okay Leo, don’t worry about it.’ He interrupted me.
I wasn’t sure if he’d meant what I think he’d meant, which he noticed by the look on my face. Then he started to grin even wider.
‘Let’s get going, okay? Lead the way!’ He said.
I nodded my head in agreement and picked up my bag. I went to reach for his as well and accidentally grabbed his hand trying to pick it up. For a split second I wanted to squeeze his hand, but I quickly retracted blushing furiously and awkwardly walking in front of him to lead us out of the airport.
Maybe meeting Connor in person wasn’t as good an idea as I originally thought it would be.
Fuck, I have so much shit to deal with.
I was still a little bit lightheaded and giddy from the hug I shared with him just minutes ago, I couldn’t help checking out Leo’s lean and muscular frame as I followed him out of the airport.
It was as if I’d just nailed a test that I hadn’t known about and went into completely unprepared. That feeling that makes you soar above the clouds and makes you feel lighter than a feather. Combined with that sense of disbelief and doubt, was this really happening?
I touched him, so it must be. Here he was, in all his glory.
No one else in the arrival hall seemed to be able to fathom the joy that I felt in that moment. Everyone around us was going about their business, as if they hadn’t just been witness to the most anticipated moment of my life. All these different people hasting themselves around us were completely unaware of the fact that I’d just hugged the guy I’d been thinking of non-stop for the past few weeks.
And he looked every bit the moviestar that I’d expect him to become. Being this close to him and getting to see him in 4D really left me wondering why he hadn’t been signed to a modellibg agency years ago.
Just the way he moved, the sense of certainty in every step, the confidence he oozed. People moved out of his way, yet if he could help it, he’d try to pass everyone by without causing them the slightest inconvenience. He reminded me of a tiger. Stalking about as one of the most dangerous predators, but with an enormous amount of patience and agility.
Not to mention his very nice ass that looked like a three course meal in those jeans.
I just stared at his backside as he led us out of the airport. At the same time my thoughts were flying every which way.
That moment he stepped into the arrival hall my eyes were completely drawn to him and I just couldn’t stop grinning. All my senses had been on high alert when he came closer to me. I could see his handsome features, hear his deep, sultry voice, smell his spicy cologne. And it took me about .2 seconds to also want to feel him, so I took him into an embrace.
And boy, did that do things to me.
The moment I felt his warmth and strong arms around me I just melted away. The fact that he was taller than I expected surprised me a little, but I kinda like it. Incidentally, all of that stopped me from saying what I wanted to say. From telling him that his being gay turns out to be perfectly convenient since I’m in love with him. I just blacked out. For the life of me, the words escaped me completely. I could really only take him in, that took all my energy.
And so I did just that. I did notice his nervousness immediately. And even now, walking beside him I notice the blush on his ears. Too cute to be true. In that moment a ridiculous and rather evil idea entered my mind.
What if I was to… drag this out.
Just a little bit?
To see him squirming…
I was confident enough to say that he wasn’t just nervous about the fact that I’d found out about his sexuality, but also because of me. From how awkward he was acting I thought it was safe to say he had a crush on me too. Maybe not as much I did on him, but still. And I couldn’t help thinking; I knew him. We had spent days on end talking. He knew me, we’d laughed together. We’d talked about past relationships. I knew what he was supposed to be like in a situation like this.
Yes, I illegal bahis was sure. Leo liked me. Liked, liked me. For real.
And I was going to have a little fun with him. That should at least break the ice a little, I thought. And what better way to find out how much he likes me back, then to tease him a bit?
I need to know for sure wether there’s a real chance with us before I make an actual move on him. I don’t want to risk not having him as my friend in any way. I mean, yeah it was obvious then, but what if I was just reading all the signs wrong to make myself believe he was into me?
Yes, a bit of my tried-and-true charming celebrity flirting skills would come in handy.
By the time I had come up with a quick plan for tonight, Leo had collected our car keys for the rental that we’d use the following couple of weeks. Just until the first week of shooting would start.
The production studio originally fixed us up with a BMW, but we decided that touring around the country by ourselves would be way more fun. The BMW would have come completely with a chauffeur and everything. To say that I was surprised by that would be an understatement. True, I had never been part of any production outside of Hollywood, but maybe I had underestimated the scale of this particular movie. A BMW with a driver for two whole weeks couldn’t have been cheap. And Leo and I hadn’t even put in one minute of honest day’s work yet. Hell, Leo hadn’t even acted before at all.
Maybe this was just the norm for a British movie studio. Might as well enjoy it, I thought.
But, Leo had other plans, apparently. It turned out he loved to drive, just like me. And he didn’t want to spend two weeks in the backseat after having rode his bicycle everywhere for some time. He was up for touring the countryside himself. He’d arranged everything so I was really curious about what kind of car he’d set us up with.
For some reason, I sure as hell hadn’t expected him to lift our bags into the trunk of a large black Jeep Rubicon a few minutes later. Undoubtedly, the funds for the original car and the chauffeur were included in this little change of plans. But Leo was Dutch, and as he’d told countless times before, if the Dutch were good at anything, it was negotiating.
Needless to say, I was extremely turned on when he put on his aviators and opened the door for me with a sly grin spread on his face. My dick all but twitched in my jeans.
‘Be prepared for the ride of your life, baby.’ Leo chuckled.
Where had his blush gone?
I hauled myself into the passenger’s seat and gawked at the spacious interior of the car. Very different from my own two sports cars.
When Leo got in and closed the door he inhaled deeply and smirked at my marveled expression. He seemed to be in his element. His eyes danced with excitement. Even if I thought he was really cute when he was nervous a couple of minutes ago, it was really an experience to see him like this.
‘Different from your midlife crisis, shiny and speedy Lambo, huh? Yeah, this baby actually does the job.’ He exclaimed casually in his mock-southern drawl as he stroked the steering wheel. There was no doubt he’d make one sexy cowboy. I thought I’d maybe develop a serious fetish if he would keep talking like that.
‘I gotta admit, it’s pretty awesome Leo. But it’s never going to beat my Huracan in speed.’ I quipped at him, smiling at his antics.
‘Well, maybe not. But this piece of bulk certainly ain’t gonna budge for your pretty Italian princess carriage. And besides, this baby has manual transmission, not that automatic gear shifting crap you’ve got going on.’ Leo continued in his Southern accent, which had me shifting in my seat because it sounded so sexy.
What he said actually stung me in my richboy-materialistic feelings though, so I came back at him saying, ‘Well, you would know how to handle a stick now, wouldn’t ya?’
The way his mocking smile fell right off his face only to reveal a completely dumbfounded and embarrassed expression made me shake with laughter. See? It took almost nothing to get back the Leo that I knew so well. The teasing haf begun.
A second later I felt myself jump in shock as a loud Rock song blasted through the sound-system and Leo pulled out of the parking lot with such speed that I was pushed back in my seat. Leo made eye-contact with me over the top of his dark sunglasses with a look that was supposed to be boyish and fun, but I could only describe it as incredibly hot.
‘Nothing like a bit of AC/DC on a beautiful day like this, right?’ He drawled casually. ‘Do fasten your seatbelt though, I’d hate to damage the precious merchandise that is Connor Dexter.’ He winked, going back to his equally sexy British accent.
That made me laugh. I couldn’t stop smiling. This was no different from all the other times I’d talked to him. There just wasn’t a couple of thousand miles between us now. ‘I’m not exactly fragile, you know.’ I said casually as I fastened my seatbelt. ‘I bet I could take you on anytime.’ I jabbed, and stretched my arms in in front of me, intertwining my fingers and cracking my knuckles as Leo stared at my well-trained triceps.
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