While You Were sleeping (Part 1)

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While You Were sleeping (Part 1)Happy marriage is undone while a man is in a c***. Why does everything seem foggy? I don’t remember what happened but it feels like I am more tired than ever before.As Matt woke up slowly, his body ached and he was sure he had dreamed about something but couldn’t remember anymore. He blinked a few times to clear the fog from his vision, to see he wasn’t in his own bed.Where am I?He looked around and really took stock of where he was. It looked like a hospital room or something like one. There were monitors hooked up to the wall behind him, the bed had those railing sides on them, and he felt like shit.One of the monitors on the wall was beeping, and soon enough a nurse opened the door to his room and stopped suddenly when she saw him awake.She smiled really big and said, “WOW! Welcome back, Mr. Jordan. I will go fetch the doctor, OK?””Wait…Where AM I?” He yelled the question as the door was already shutting behind her.It only took about two minutes but it felt like eternity. The door opened again, and this time an older gentleman in an obvious doctor’s white coat came in, followed by the same nurse.”Hello, Mr. Jordan… Matt, my name is Doctor Stephens. How do you feel?””To be honest doc, I’ve been better. I feel like crap and not sure where I am or how the heck I got here.””Matt, you were in an auto collision and had a head injury. You had surgery to fix some broken bones, internal bleeding and lacerations on both your arms and face. We did every test and scan possible, as is normal for severe head injuries, and you were extremely lucky with only minor swelling in the brain. After the swelling went down we just had to wait until you decided to join us again, and here you are. I know this is going to be a shock, but you have been in a c*** for nearly four months.””What??” Matt asked incredulously. “FOUR MONTHS? Where are my wife and my k**s?”********Jennifer and Matt had met in their sophomore year of college and both had been in relationships before. They both had friends that dated each other and had been together several times for group outings, as well as a few parties.Matt’s best friend was named Jim, and they had been together since grade school. Jim was more outgoing, but the two balanced each other out well. Jennifer had a few good friends that she hung out with as well, but really had no best friend since Rachael, her neighbor, moved away in 9th grade.Matt was a little shy, so Jennifer ended up being the one to ask him out to see a movie together. He really liked her, but was glad when she made the first move. They were quickly monogamous, and come their junior year, they moved in together in an off-campus apartment where they lived until they both graduated two years later.When they graduated, Matt got a degree in Computer Science with a minor in Business. Jennifer got her degree in nursing and was in the top 5% of her class. They decided after graduation that they would move to Chicago as it was roughly in the middle of both of their families.Jennifer went to work in the Trauma center at the largest hospital in the city, and Matt got a job working for a large corporation. They were both very busy, but always made sure to find time for each other. They were best friends as well as lovers, and it showed. Anyone that knew them could tell that they had eyes only for each other.After about a year of their lives together Matt finally worked up the courage to propose to her. They were out to dinner at Jennifer’s favorite restaurant and had just finished eating the main course.Matt got down on one knee and asked, “Jennifer, you are the love of my life, and you make me complete. Will you marry me?” He opened the box he had hidden behind his back to reveal a stunning diamond ring. She had tears in her eyes as she nodded her head saying, “YES! I love you so much, Matt!”There weren’t a lot of dry eyes in the place, and a good share of clapping as the couple hugged tightly. They finished the dessert and went home to celebrate. That night was magical for both as they explored each other. If there was a record for number of concurrent orgasms, they likely set it that night.So Jennifer and her mom, along with her future mother-in-law, went about the details of the wedding planning. Matt helped some for things like the cake tasting and picking out some of the smaller details like placemats, but most of the major items he left to his fiancé and gave advice when it was asked for.The day of the wedding both Matt and Jennifer had serious jitters, but it was the best day of their lives. Matt waited anxiously at the altar as Jennifer’s dad walked her down the aisle. As she moved he swore she was like an angel on earth, she was that beautiful.They exchanged vows and after they were pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Jordan. They made their way to the reception hall for a night of fun and celebration. Matt and Jennifer cut out early of course to head off to their honeymoon trip.Their parents pooled together and got them a three night trip to an island in the Grand Caymans, in the Bahamas. The hut they had was beautiful, and the weather was perfect. They had nothing but time and each other to celebrate their love.The first night they didn’t leave the room even for food, they just ordered room service. It was the perfect way to start their married life, and they were so deeply in love that they spent the first hour just exploring each other, undressing, touching and kissing.By the time the three days were up, they were both exhausted but very happy with each other. They returned home and began their lives together.For the first year, they were inseparable. They would go out every chance they could to see a movie or go to a club. After about a year, she got pregnant, and 9 months later gave birth to their daughter, Sidney.They stopped going out as much, but still went out some as their daughter grew up. After about another year, Jennifer got pregnant again, and had their older son Steven. Barely nine months after that she gave birth to their youngest son, Thomas. After his birth Matt had a vasectomy, so there would be no more k**s in their future.As time went on, they still spent as much time as they could together, although with tough jobs and three k**s now, it was not as often as they would have liked. What time they did get together was cherished and they made the most of it. They weren’t teenagers anymore but still made passionate love to each other at least once or twice a week, usually shipping the k**s off to one of the grandparent’s houses for the night.By the time Sidney was s*******n she was a junior in high school, and the boys were sixteen and fifteen as sophomore and freshmen respectively. Sydney was involved in some sports but mainly was kind of a nerd. She studied a lot, hung out with a few friends, but mostly stayed in her room. The boys both played sports, but never the same ones. Steven was a football player, and Thomas (his buddies all called him Tommy) was a skinny basketball player on the junior varsity team.Jennifer still worked for the hospital, but had been promoted to charge nurse for her shift at the emergency department about two years prior. Matt had changed companies after a few years, due to some females sexually harassing him on the job, so he now worked for a smaller consulting company that helped out larger corporations temporarily.Matt had been on the way home from one of his consulting clients in the next town over when he got into the accident. It could have happened to anyone, but luck wasn’t on his side that night. He had gotten to a 4-way stop, looked both ways, and saw an approaching truck. It looked to be slowing down, so he went across.Apparently the truck driver had been slowing down, but was also falling asleep at the wheel. He never even saw the other car going through the intersection when he plowed into him. The truck pushed Matt and his car a further two-hundred feet down the road, before the car spun off and rolled over a few times landing in the ditch.Matt was rushed to the hospital on a back-board and neck brace firmly in place. The trucker was injured but not severely, mostly due to his body already being a bit limp from being a sleep. The police also later found him slightly drunk, so he was arrested for suspicion of DUI and possible vehicular assault charges.Matt got to the hospital, and Jennifer had been working that evening shift. She was a mess as she alternated between crying for her injured husband and trying to continue directing the nurses to do their work. Finally she gave up and sat in the waiting room, sniffling and crying.Several hours passed, and at this point her k**s were waiting with her, along with both sets of grandparents. A doctor came out in scrubs and gave them the mixed news. Matt had made it and would survive, however he was now in a medically induced c*** to allow brain swelling to go down. They would let him down from that medication in about two days or so. At that point, it was all on Matt if he was going to come out of the c*** or not.********Jennifer’s side of the storyI couldn’t believe it. I know I was in shock for a long time, but still have trouble processing it to this ağrı rus escort bayan day. My love, my soulmate was breathing, but wasn’t with me. I sat at his bedside for the first few days, even after they removed the c***-inducing medicine. I held his hand and spoke to him, giving him an update on the k**s and everyone else.After a week I had to return to the k**s and home, but came to visit every night for as long as I could, and spent the weekends with him. After a month of this, I still visited, but had to keep up a strong front for the k**s at home. They missed their dad as much as I missed my husband.Matt’s best friend Jim was also a huge help. He came around to help with the k**’s events and homework. On the nights that our parents couldn’t help, he stayed with them while I went to visit Matt.I now recognize that this was the beginning of my downfall. I had no idea what was going on, but at the time, needed any help I could get. With Matt not around, I was on overload pretty much every day with no outlet for my sorrow.After about two months, Jim invited me out for dinner on a Friday night. The k**s were all going to spend the night with friends, so I thought it might be good to get out for a night. We went somewhere nice that Matt and I both loved. Even now, I recognize that everything revolved around Matt. God did I need him in my life.”This is one of Matt and my favorite places,” I remember telling him.”I have only been here once, but it seems like a great place. I know this is tough, but remember I’m here to listen if you need a shoulder to cry on,” he said.We talked all through dinner about our past, the things we liked and of course Matt. Jim made me feel a little better by reassuring me that Matt was one of the toughest guys he knew and would pull through.After dinner, he dropped me off at home. He walked me to the door and gave me a long comforting hug. When we separated, he gave me a quick chaste kiss on the lips, and said good night. The kiss was awkward to say the least, so I rushed inside and closed the door.I didn’t know what to make of things, so did my best to ignore Jim the following week and let his calls go to voice mail. He sent me a text apologizing for the awkward kiss and just wanted to let me know he was trying to help during this trying time.Eventually, I answered his call later the next week and agreed to meet for lunch. I think it was understood that there would be no funny business, but we did have a nice conversation. It felt good to have an adult to talk to that understood the hurt of missing Matt.We left and agreed to meet again a few days later. He took me to another similar lunch at a bistro and we had some sandwiches. Again he kept things friendly and genuinely seemed to care. He invited me out to dinner and a movie with some other friends that Friday night, and I thought it would be good to get out.I was still visiting Matt, although not as much as at first. I stopped in to see him that Thursday evening and just sat with him holding his hand. I told him that I missed him terribly and loved him so much. I couldn’t survive without him, and that every day was a struggle.I told him that Jim was trying to help, but he could never take his place. He lay there breathing, and for a moment I had a flash of extreme anger that he would leave me alone like this. The moment passed and was replaced with a deep sorrow and guilt for those feelings. Here the love of my life was in a c*** and might not survive, and I had the nerve to be angry at HIM?”Honey, I need you to come back to me. I don’t know how much longer I can make it without you,” I told him.I went home and life went on. The next night, after work, I took the k**s over to my parents and got ready to go out. I met Jim at the restaurant where we had made reservations.”Where is everyone else?” I asked.”They should be coming soon, I hope,” Jim answered.We sat and had some drinks but no one else showed up. He got a text and said that the others wouldn’t be coming due to something coming up with one of their k**s.”Should we reschedule then?” I asked, getting ready to get up and leave.”Well we are already here, we should just enjoy dinner and set something up with them for later in the week,” Jim suggested.”I guess since we are already here.” I knew right after saying it, I should have just left but it was a nice place and I was lonely, so just went with it.Dinner was pretty good, although not the same without Matt. I was really feeling lost without him, and Jim was doing his best to be there for me.”I miss Matt too, and am so glad that I am not alone right now.” Jim was so nice to me. It reminded me of Matt in a way.”I think I will skip the movie tonight, ok Jim?” I asked.”Ok, no problem. I will walk you out to your car then.”He followed me to my car and when I turned around to thank him he was right behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and just held me, in a warm embrace. The hug felt so good, and yet I knew it was more than just a hug.He separated a little and moved his lips to mine. At that moment, it felt electric, and I still to this day have no idea why I did, but I kissed him back. After a few minutes of passion, I finally broke free. I felt ashamed and hot all at the same time, and thought of my husband.”I’m sorry Jim, I shouldn’t have done that. I have to get going now.””Jenn, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t be taking advantage of you like this.”He backed away, went to his car, and drove off with a small wave. I got in my car and drove home, ashamed the whole way. How could I kiss my husband’s best friend? When I got home I went to bed and made myself a promise to never be alone with him again, and to go spend more time with Matt.The next few days I spent as much time as I could with Matt, holding his hand and talking with him again. I went back to work the next week and took the k**s to see Matt after school and work. We did our best, but it was really getting hard to balance everything again.Sidney’s birthday was coming up in two days so we had a huge 18th birthday party that we were going to have, and Matt would miss that too. I was near tears setting everything up for the party, but put on a brave face for the k**s. She had a blast, and her friends all enjoyed themselves. My little girl was a woman now, well according to the law anyhow.Of course Jim was there at the party, but he kept his distance. He told me about half way through the evening that he was proud of Sidney and that I should be proud too. I told him I was very proud of her. He left shortly after that, and the rest of the guests minus her best friend Mary all left for home. Mary stayed the night, even though it was a school night. I made an exception for her birthday.The following Friday, all the k**s were home and we had just finished dinner when the doorbell rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone so got up to answer the door. It was Jim, so I invited him in.”What brings you over tonight Jim?” I asked.”Just figured you could use a little time away from everything, and to talk to someone,” he replied.I thought about it, and decided a little time away from the house might be a good thing tonight. I asked Sidney to make sure the boys stayed out of trouble and that I would be home in a few hours.He drove us down to a local pub, and we sat at a table on the side of the place. I had a few more drinks than I should have, but I should still have known better. Jim asked me to dance, so we danced a little to the jukebox along with some other couples. During a slow song he moved in pretty close and wrapped his arms around my waist.I should have stopped him, but it felt so good and warm. His contact was making me wet, and for some reason, I wanted him so badly. We finished the dance and went back to the table to get our things. I thought he was going to take me home, but he drove us out to an empty city park, and parked the car in a corner.He turned to me and put one hand behind my head, running his fingers through my long hair. His other hand was rubbing my thigh and moved his face towards mine. My brain was screaming for me to stop this and open the door to run away, but I did nothing.When his lips reached mine I closed my eyes and kissed him back. Between the buzz and the electricity of his lips, I was getting very hot. His hand moved up from my thigh to unbutton my jeans, and then onto his own to unsnap and unzip his pants. Before I knew what was going on, I had my jeans off, and was sitting in his lap with his cock buried in my pussy.Matt was larger than his friend, but what Jim lacked in size he was trying to make up for with his tongue on my nipples. He had my shirt pulled up and his hands on my hips lifting me up and down on him. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying it, but we were just fucking, not making love.I bounced on him harder and harder until he grabbed my hips hard and slammed me down on his cock, spewing his cum deep into my pussy. I felt it all, and then he was panting while holding my hips. I still hadn’t cum, and now he lifted me up and I slid over to the passenger seat.Realization of what had happened set in, and I knew immediately that I had just ağrı rus escort made the worst mistake of my life. I got my clothes back to somewhat normal and meekly asked him to take me home. When he parked in front of my house, I asked him to not come back, ever. He looked hurt, but said he would try.As I walked towards my front door, a sense of dread like no other filled my soul. How could I face my k**s, let alone my husband when he woke up after what I had just done? I decided I was going to be the best mother I could, and just live with the shame of this night somehow. I would have to keep this horrible secret until my last breath. I was tired. When I got inside the k**s noticed it right away.”You look tired mom, party a little too much?” asked my daughter.”Yeah honey, I had a few too many drinks, but thankfully Jim was driving so I was safe. I think I am going to clean up and go to bed. Thanks for watching over your brothers,” I told her. I felt like shit lying to her, but there was no way I could face the truth.After showering, I went to bed and got up the next morning. I did my best to get through the day at work, and have dinner ready by the time the k**s got home from practice or their friends’ houses. We were eating dinner when the phone rang.”Hello, this is Jennifer.””Mrs. Jordan, this is Dr. Stephens, and your husband, is awake.”I dropped the phone and slid against the wall crying. The question is, were they tears of joy for his recovery, or fear and sadness about my horrible mistake?********Matt’s side of things…I was awake, but still very tired. The doctor said they had contacted my family, and they were on their way now. I still had no idea what happened to me, other than what I had been told, something about a car accident? I would have to ask Jennifer when she got here.The door opened and my k**s came running in, my wife right behind them. They all hugged me on the bed almost to the point I couldn’t breathe.”Easy guys, your dad is ok, but not if you keep hugging me like that,” I joked.My wife was at the bedside holding my hand, tears in her eyes.”Oh my god I am so glad you are ok, Matt,” she said as a fresh set of tears made their way down her cheeks. She looked so beautiful, as beautiful to me as the day I met her all those years ago.She held my hand as the k**s got off me, and the doctor came into the room. He explained that I would need some therapy after four months of not using my muscles, but otherwise should make a complete recovery. There were no signs of any head injury at this point, so in a day or two, I would be allowed to go home. He explained that I would need some help moving around until my strength was back to what it used to be.Our parents got to the room by this point and were standing towards the back. They all came forward with big smiles on their faces. Obviously, they were all happy to see me awake. I still didn’t really remember the collision, but knew that I was lucky to have survived.Jenn asked if the k**s could stay the night with her parents so she could stay in the room with me. I guess she really missed having me around. Afterwards, they all left and promised to check in on me over the next few days. Jenn sat beside me and held my hand as if we were the last two people on earth. She looked like she hadn’t slept since I arrived at the hospital, and I told her so.”Honey when was the last time you got any sleep?”She sniffled a little and smiled. “Every night, but it’s not the same without you beside me. I slept here the first week or so, but had to go home for the k**s’ sake.””Well, as soon as they let me out of here we can all go home together. I am sorry that I wasn’t around for you…” was all I got out before she shushed me with a finger on my lips.”You have nothing to apologize for…” She said. It looked like she was going to say more but stopped. She had a sad look on her face but she looked at me and leaned in to kiss me. After the kiss she was smiling again.”I love you, Matt. God I missed you so much, and will make sure you know how much every day of the rest of your life…once you get better that is,” she said with a sexy smile. I was still a little bothered by her mood swing, but let it go. She had been through hell, I am sure.”Hey, have you seen Jim while I was asleep? Did he come by to visit?” I asked.A dark look came over her, and she replied, “Yes he did. I haven’t seen him recently though.” With that she laid her head on my arm and whispered, “Good night honey. I love you.””Good night, Jenn. I love you more.”We fell asleep and awoke to the sun rising outside the window. It looked like it was going to be a great day, and I hoped they would let me go home today as well.After the nurse checked on me, and the doctor came back to check on me, they said I could go home but would require several therapy appointments and a wheel chair until some of my strength returned before I could walk unassisted again.I was wheeled out to the car, where my wife was waiting to take me home. We got there, and she told me the k**s were at school, but would be home after. She had taken the day off to be with me.”Let me know if you need anything at all, ok honey? I am going to take a shower, but will be out in a few minutes,” she said.”No problem, I am pretty tired, so I think I would like to just lie down anyhow.”She took me into the bedroom and helped me into bed. She pulled the blinds in the room so it was pretty dark, and then got undressed to get into the shower. She looked as angelic as ever, even after having three k**s. I would never get tired of seeing her beautiful body, and let her know.”Honey, if you don’t get in that shower soon, I may have to hurt myself some to make sure to please that heavenly body of yours.”She laughed a little and said, “I might take you up on that offer later.”She went into the bathroom and got in the shower. I wanted to stay awake for that possible therapy session, but was dead tired and fell asleep right away. I awoke to her light snoring as her head was lying on my chest. I didn’t want to wake her up but had to go to the bathroom, so I nudged her awake.She awoke with a jump and looked at me funny, then said, “Sorry, was having a bad dream. Need something, honey?””Yeah, I need to pee,” I told her with a laugh.She got up and helped me into the bathroom, holding me up as I peed. We had been married a long time, so this didn’t really bother me.We returned to bed after washing our hands. The k**s would be home in about two hours, so I thought I might at least test out my physical limits before they did.I rolled over to face my bride and put my hand on the side of her face. I leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss, which led to several more, increasing in intensity until we were trying to suck each other’s tongues out.She was still naked from her shower, so I tried my best to slide off my boxers and t-shirt but she had to help me. I really couldn’t move around like I wanted to, so she slid herself on top of me, and lowered down until she was completely impaled on my hard cock. At least that one part of me seemed to function at full strength.She leaned down and kissed me and started rocking her hips back and forth. She put her hands on my chest and pushed herself up into a sitting position to ride me harder. I reached up and pinched her nipple with my left hand, as my right was massaging her ass cheek. She rode me faster until she was panting and then she stopped suddenly while yelling out her climax in an unintelligible mumble.”OOOHMYGOD…UGGHGHGGGG,” she panted. She flopped down on my chest, and it felt so good having her breasts mashed against me, that I started bucking my hips up and down as much as I could until I felt the tingling of my own climax on the way. I pumped into her harder, and she was moaning again as she sounded like she was having another mini-orgasm. I gave her a few final thrusts and blew into her so hard I thought I was going to pass out.We both flopped down onto the bed and just lay, exhausted. I felt so good, I could probably have died right then. She was shaking a little, and it took me a minute to realize that she was quietly crying.I pushed her head up and look into her wet eyes. “What’s the matter, baby? That was incredible.””I know, that was great, and I love you so much. Matt, I thought I was going to lose you…” At this she broke down, sobbing again.I tried to scoot back and up to sitting a little, as she still sat in my lap, still impaled on my semi-hard cock.I pushed the hair out of her face and told her, “It’s going to be ok now, honey, I’m home.” I smiled and gave her a kiss. When she didn’t return the kiss, I pulled back to stare into her eyes. Something definitely wasn’t right and it started to worry me.”What? Honey you are scaring me…” I said.She sat looking down for a minute, still sniffling, and then spoke barely above a whisper. “I am so afraid to lose you…Matt…” She got up off me and slid back down by my feet and sat still for a minute. “I had sex with Jim…I am so sorry that I ever did it!!” At this she put her head in her hands and started bawling as hard as I have ever seen.What do you say to that? I had rus escort ağrı no idea. I just sat for a minute and replayed what she had said to make sure I heard correctly. Suddenly the questions started rolling through my head and out of my mouth, “When? …How the hell? …You FUCKED JIM????” A minute passed with no answer so I started getting more pissed. “ANSWER ME!” I yelled at her.This shocked her a little, and she looked up at me, fear combining with the tears in her eyes. “It was the lowest point in my life. I have no excuses that matter but it was a couple nights ago in his car. OH MY GOD!”She broke down again. This was going to be a long sad process, if she kept up the bawling. Obviously if you didn’t already realize it my wife was a crier. She cries at everything. My anger at the moment slipped just a fraction watching the love of my life in such pain. Too bad my pain was growing worse.I would have gotten up to leave the room, but was still way too weak, so I just grunted and rolled over to face the wall away from my wife. I don’t think she knew what to do so she got up and cleaned up in the bathroom, then grabbed her pillow and left the bedroom, whispering “I love you” on the way out. It felt very empty after she left, and I had one of the most fitful nights of sleep ever.When I awoke, I rolled over and found my wife sitting on the edge of the bed on her side, head in hands and just shaking in quiet sobs. I had no words to comfort her this time, so just kept quiet myself. After a few minutes I moved around to let her know I was awake, and moved my legs to the side of the bed.She got up too, and made her way around to my side of the bed to help me get up. Awkward or not, I needed help yet getting around until I had more therapy, so I allowed her to help me. She got me into the bathroom and ran the bathwater so I could clean up. She left me in the tub of hot water and went out to get dressed.I had no idea what I was going to tell the k**s. How do you tell them that their mother had betrayed their father in the worst way, while he was in a c***, no less? How do you tell them that the woman I loved more than any other person on the planet might not be my wife anymore?I had no answers for my own questions, so just soaked up the warmth and washed myself off. When I was done I tried to get up on my own, and managed to get up onto the edge of the tub and dry off. I got mostly dressed but couldn’t get my socks on without help.”Jenn, could you help me?” I asked. I held up my socks to her when she entered, and she gave me a very faint smile before kneeling to help get them on. After they were on, she helped me into the kitchen to sit at the table while she served up breakfast to the k**s and I. They all ate in a hurry and ran out the door to catch the bus.After they had left, the house was quiet for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say to the other. She eventually lay her head down on her arms at the table, and just started bawling. I did my best to get up at that point and head back to the bedroom. I was able to make it somewhat down the hall holding the wall as I went, but had to stop and rest a few times. Along the wall were our family photos taken so many different times throughout the years, I too started to cry a little as I pushed on.I finally made it to the bedroom and almost fell onto it on my back. I sat up eventually, but didn’t know what to do after that. I just blankly stared at a family photo on the wall. I knew logically that I would have to do something about the situation with my wife. The only problem was I didn’t want to.********Jennifer is undone.I don’t know how long I sat crying at that table. I had been doing that a lot lately, but it hasn’t really helped me cope. It could have been a few minutes or a couple of hours. All I knew was that I had lost him. The one person that I had spent my life with, that I loved more than anyone else was gone, and it was entirely my fault.How in the world could I recover from this, or make it up to him?I heard him move down the hallway on his own, and he started crying a little, too, half-way down the hall. How in the world could I hurt that man? ME? The dependable, loving wife and mother of three…HOW COULD I?If I was going to go, I would do my very best to at least show him that I loved him and that none of what happened was his fault. I stood to go help him out but he had made it into the bedroom at that point. I went down the hallway to see if he was alright. I made it to the bedroom, and he was sitting on the edge, just staring at the wall where we had a family photo hung.”How could you do this to us?” he asked, in an almost ghostly whisper.”Matt, I am a terrible person. I still don’t understand, but I want you to know that it had nothing to do with you. I love you so very much…GOD!” This was going to be hard, as I knew it would. “I can’t take it back, but I desperately wish that I could.”He didn’t respond, just kept staring at the picture. I think he was in shock. I moved to sit on the edge of the bed with him and put my arms around him from behind, resting my head on his back. I was still crying, so his shirt started getting wet. I decided to try to own up to this as best I could, so I sat up a little and started talking again.”I will talk to the k**s when they get home. None of this was your fault so you shouldn’t have to deal with it.” I had to sniffle a lot, but thankfully wasn’t full blown crying anymore. “Matt, please believe me when I say that I love you more than anything, more than myself even.””How can I? I used to think that you loved me more than anything, and I want to believe that now but how can I? I know that I love you so much it hurts, and now, I just hurt.”He was quiet for a while after that, and then asked me to leave him in the room so he could sleep. I left the room, but not before saying one last “I Love you” to him, and then shut the door. I went out and cleaned up the kitchen as much as I could. I would keep trying to be the best wife and mother I could, regardless of my horrible behavior.When the k**s got home later after school, I told them that I needed to speak with them, and it was important. At first, I wanted to talk with Sidney alone and then with all three as a group. I followed Sidney to her room, and after shutting the door behind me, I told her an abridged version of what happened with Jim, without too many details, and that I had told her father this morning.By the time I finished telling her, she was beat red and looked about to explode.”HOW COULD YOU? Mom, what the hell made you think that was OK? You just killed our family, how COULD YOU?” at this she broke down sitting on her bed and started crying, whimpering “how could you” over and over again.”I screwed up. I know that. I am more sorry than you will ever know. There is nothing I can do to take away the hurt I caused your father.””Yeah NO SHIT MOM! What are you going to tell Steve and Tommy?”She was still venting, which I guess was a good thing. I had no idea how I could begin to fix things with my family, but I wasn’t going to give up yet.”Honey, I know that I have made a huge mess of things, and will try to be as honest as I can to the boys but will try to spare them as much of the detail as I can. Please understand that I love you all very much and will be doing whatever I can to try to fix this, if it’s possible.”She just harrumphed and stood up, walked to her door, and opened it for me. I left her room and she slammed the door behind me, obviously still very upset. I felt like a death-row inmate heading towards the death chamber as I walked down the hallway to the living room where the boys were watching TV, waiting for me.”Hey mom, where is Sidney?” asked Steven. “I thought you wanted to talk to all three of us?””I don’t think she needs to be here for this. We already said everything we need to each other for right now.” At this point, I took a deep breath for the inevitable fallout that was about to occur.”Boys…There’s no easy way to say this other than to tell the truth. I made a huge mistake and cheated on your father, and now I am hoping to…””WHAT?!” they both yelled almost in unison, cutting me off.”You cheated on Dad? Why in the world would you do that mom, I thought you loved him?” asked my oldest.”Yeah mom, I thought you always said that you loved dad more than you loved yourself?” asked Tommy.I started tearing up at this point, knowing that the pain that was just beginning in my family was all my fault, well mine and that asshole Jim’s, but it was my fault for not stopping him. I was starting to pay the piper.”Yes, and I will regret it for the rest of my life. I am truly sorry that you guys will get affected by this even though you did nothing wrong. I just hope one day, you guys can forgive me for being so selfish, and that one day, your dad and I can find a way to work things out.”With that, I couldn’t contain the tears, so I just got up and hugged the boys and went to the guest room. I shut the door and curled up in a ball on the bed, not even getting under the covers. Why? Why did I have to be such a weak person? The shame of what I had done would haunt me forever, but I would have to try to be brave for my c***dren, if nothing else.Tonight, I would let it all out though. I fell asleep somehow while crying into the pillow, having fitful sleep at best. Tomorrow would probably be much harder than today had been and I wasn’t looking forward to the rest of my life anymore.*****

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