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Part 2. Sister’s Advice
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My sister, Veronica, was the one who saved me from Phillip’s interrogation. He has a way of getting the truth out of me like no one else can. If I’m going to be completely honest, I’d rather not admit out loud my insecurities to Phil, but he’s not going to let it go. I’ve never safe worded before, even when he made me come, then punished me for it. I guess today was just the horse that broke the camel’s back.
“Camila? Did you hear me?” Veronica asks.
“Huh?”
She rolls her eyes at me.
“I was saying, I want you to come over for a swim tomorrow.” Today is Saturday, so I am free tomorrow. My sister has her own house, and private swimming pool, but my ass and tummy are covered in bruises right now, so I don’t know if that would be a good idea. “Let me guess,” she says when she sees the expression on my face, “you have bruises.”
I sigh deeply. “How did you know?”
“Because you always have bruises, Cam. I don’t think you guys know how to have normal sex anymore.” My sister knows about our BDSM relationship. She was there when I first became interested in BDSM, back in college, and I would tell her all about my escapades; but she doesn’t know the part where I let my husband call me a nigger. No one poker oyna knows that. And I’d rather keep it that way. I don’t want anyone judging him, and I seem to be more worried about that than he is.
“Will there be anyone else there?” I ask her.
“No, just you and me, and Phil. If you invite him, which you should.” I look down at my hands, and at the diamond and platinum ring that resides on my ring finger. We made a promise to be open and honest with each other, and we are, but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to keep secrets every now and then. That doesn’t mean that I have to tell him the truth about why I safeworded.
But the problem with my husband is, well, he tends to overthink things. He’ll probably freak out and worry that he’s fucked up in some way, feel as if he’s done something wrong, and to be honest, I can’t blame him for what happened. Yes, he did something I didn’t like, but how is he supposed to know that I don’t like it if I don’t tell him? Am I really being fair to him, if I don’t tell him?
Fuck. This is so stressful.
“So how have you been otherwise?” Veronica asks me as she pulls a pack of what I know is gummy bears out of her pocket to eat some. She is still skinny, despite the fact that she eats gummy bears all the time, while I have to struggle to stay at a reasonable canlı poker oyna weight.
“Good, good, I’m almost finished with my current client.” I ghostwrite for people who know what they want to convey, but find it difficult to write it. I’ve done newspaper articles, and even essay papers for university students. One of the things that I like the most about my job is that I’ve learned a lot. I know how to format essays in both APA style and Chicago style, which is something that I didn’t know how to do when I started.
“I don’t know how you do it, you know,” Veronica says to me. “I personally would never be able to fathom writing articles and such for other people and not getting credit for it.”
“Well, they aren’t really my views,” I tell her. “I just write what they want to write, but can’t.”
“But still,” she says. I know that Phil is in the kitchen, cooking dinner for us. He really likes my sister, and I’m glad that they can get along. But Phil will bring up what happened earlier today again, and I’m dreading it.
“Okay, what’s bothering you?” she says.
“What?”
She gives me a look that tells me everything I need to know; she sees right through my bullshit. Her usually pouty lips are pulled taut in a line, and she has one eyebrow raised. My big sister has always had a way internet casino of knowing when something was wrong. She puts her hand on my arm, her skin a few shades darker than my caramel brown. “Camila, talk to me.”
I sigh.
“It’s Phil. He did something… that I didn’t like.”
“What did he do?” We’re alone in the living room, and I can hear him moving the pots and pans in the kitchen.
“He… okay, you know how I come easily, right?” I’ve told her about this before. We talk a lot about sex; it’s never been a topic that either of us shy away from.
“Yeah,” she says.
“Well, he has a way of telling me not to, and doing things on purpose to make me come so that he can have fun punishing me… it’s something that some people, both doms and subs, enjoy,” I tell her quickly. “It’s usually just a fun thing that people do. I hate it, but I never complained, but today… I snapped. Then I safeworded. I’ve never safeworded, not with him, not with anyone, but I did today. And he doesn’t know why, and he wants me to tell him why, but this… this…” I feel tears threatening, and I take a few deep breaths. “I’m just really insecure about it, you know?” My voice gets squeaky, and I stop talking. I don’t want to cry, but I don’t really have anything else to say anyway.
“You have to tell him,” she finally says. Once more, I sigh.
“I… I guess I do,” I mumble. I have to be fair to him. I have to let him know. I don’t want to be selfish, and think only about my feelings.
But goddammit, this is going to suck.
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